


Risk

by smilexdarling



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-31 23:17:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3996931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilexdarling/pseuds/smilexdarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has a secret he wants to share with Bucky and it could either go really badly or really well. He'll just have to take the risk and see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Risk

**Author's Note:**

> There's some slight violence/angst but, fret not, there is a happy ending!
> 
> Also, this is before Steve and Bucky joined the army but they're both 18+. Sorry if that doesn't match up with canon.

Steve was nervous. There was no other way to put it. He was nervous and he really hoped that he didn’t have any sweat stains on his shirt because he had an important mission and he wanted to look good. He and Bucky decided that since it was such a nice day out, not too hot or pollen-y so Steve’s allergies wouldn’t act up, that they were going to take advantage of it and spend the day lazing around Central Park. Bucky had just gotten a new book he wanted to read so he was hunkered down on the grass next to Steve under the world’s most perfect shade tree and Steve, well he had been sketching, but now he was considering how to make his move. 

He had been deliberating about this day for years if he was honest and he couldn’t really explain it but for some reason today he had woken up determined to finally do something. No more waiting around. He was still chewing on his lip trying to find the words when Bucky got up abruptly. 

“I’m gonna go grab us a couple of hotdogs. Be back in a minute,” Bucky said.

“Oh, uh, okay. Don’t forget the—“

“Mustard and ketchup. I know, I know. This ain’t my first rodeo,” Bucky joked as he walked backwards toward the hotdog cart. 

Steve watched as Bucky strode up to the cart and started chatting with the dame in line before him and turned his infamous charming smile on her. Steve knew that smile well, had long been in love with that smile, and he hoped that after today it would be used on him for something other than taking out the trash or being persuaded to go on yet another double date with some friend of the broad Bucky was going out with. 

The trouble was he didn’t know what to say exactly. How do you tell your best friend who knows you better than anyone and has for most of your life that you love them and not just in a friendly way? Just coming out and saying ‘Bucky, I love you’ didn’t feel right, even if it was straight and to the point, which is how Steve normally liked to operate, he thought it would probably be better to ease into this particular admission. 

Unfortunately, Steve was running out of time to get his thoughts in order because Bucky was paying for their food and was about to head back over. Steve stood up, this was an important conversation and laying on the grass didn’t feel formal enough, although now he felt awkward and didn’t know what to do with his hands. Bucky saved the day by plunking a hotdog in his hands and leaning against the tree as he took a massive bite out of his own. 

“Eat up, Stevie. Sketching is strenuous business,” Bucky smirked and took another bite of his hotdog, making the relish on it spill over the sides of the bun. 

Steve furrowed his brow and set his hotdog down on the ground. He wouldn’t be able to eat anything with his stomach still in knots. He crossed his arms and resolutely looked Bucky square in the eyes. 

“I wanted to say somethin’ first, Buck. It’s been on my mind for a long time and I think I’m ready to be honest about it. Not too sure how you’ll take it but we always tell each other everything right?” Steve asked Bucky as he finished his food and nodded slowly, looking concerned. 

Bucky patted Steve’s shoulder. “Sure, buddy. You can tell me anything.”

The warm, grounding weight of Bucky’s hand combined with the intense, searching look in his eyes about did Steve in and he suddenly forgot everything he had planned to say. Before he knew what he was doing, Steve was leaning in and lightly brushing his lips against Bucky’s. Not a second later, he felt Bucky’s hands on his chest to push him away, hard. The wind rushed out of his lungs as he landed on the ground with a grunt. His hands and arms stung where they’d hit the ground and he knew he would feel the effects of the impact the next day for sure, but none of that hurt as much as the look on Bucky’s face. 

It was twisted up in a mixture of pure disbelief and anger. “What the hell was that? I’m not queer. Don’t try that shit with me, Rogers. You know what, just stay away from me,” Bucky gritted out.

Steve was speechless. All he could do was watch through tear-blurred eyes as Bucky turned and walked away. He wanted to yell out after him to say that he was sorry, to beg for Bucky to forget this ever happened and just let things go back to the way they were, but he couldn’t. His throat was locked up with the effort of holding back his tears so he sat and watched Bucky’s form grown smaller and smaller. He knew it. He wished he never said anything. If he’d just kept his mouth shut like he had for so many years then his best friend, the only person left who cared about him, the man he loved wouldn’t be walking away. Wouldn’t be walking out of his life, probably for good.

It was all too much and finally Steve couldn’t stop his face from crumpling as the tears broke free. He curled in on himself to try to hide his heaving sobs when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t make himself look up to see who it was but then the person spoke.

“Wake up. Stevie, come on, wake up. You gotta breathe, buddy.”

‘Bucky,’ Steve thought. He opened his eyes and it was dark. He wasn’t at the park, he was on his living room floor that was scattered with couch cushions and Bucky was gently shaking his shoulder. It had all just been a dream. Steve focused on Bucky’s face, lined with worry, then noticed he was holding Steve’s inhaler in his other hand. Bucky helped Steve sit up against the couch and placed his arm around Steve’s shoulders until his breathing evened out, then he went a grabbed some tissues to wipe up his tears. 

As the fuzziness of sleep wore off, Steve became more and more embarrassed that he had been so affected by a silly nightmare, but he appreciated that Bucky hadn’t teased him about it. Not only had the dream been terrible, obviously no one wants to be reminded of their greatest fears while they sleep especially when it involves losing the only person you have left that you care about more than anything, but he knew Bucky would want to know what it was about. He could lie but that wasn’t something he liked doing, and never to Bucky. They told each other everything. 

Bucky interrupted his worrying by suggesting they go stand outside for a minute and get some fresh air. Steve agreed and they huddled close together against the chill of the night as they leaned against the railing on Steve’s front porch and looked up at the stars. 

“You wanna talk about it?” Bucky asked after a few minutes of silence. 

He could say no. He could make up some story about a different nightmare than the one he’d had. But Bucky would see through any lie he came up with and honestly, Bucky was his best friend. He went to Bucky with everything else that he struggled with and this shouldn’t be any different. More importantly, he was tired of holding onto this secret. Things could go just as badly now as they had in his dream but it was better to find out once and for all. Steve wasn’t as brave as his dream-self though, so he kept his eyes trained out at the city instead of looking at Bucky as he told him everything that happened in the dream. Once he finished, it was quiet for what felt like forever and eventually he couldn’t resist sneaking a peek at Bucky’s face. 

Steve was surprised to see that Bucky’s eyes looked a little misty. He was about to ask what was wrong when Bucky turned to him and said with such fortitude that Steve almost chuckled, “That would never happen. Stevie, you have to know that I would never do or say anything like that to you. Never.” 

Steve quickly nodded in reassurance and said, “I know, Buck. It’s okay. It was just a dream, it wasn’t real.”

Bucky turned away and looked thoughtful. Steve waited patiently, sensing he wasn’t done, and finally Bucky asked, “Was, uh, was any of it…real?” 

Steve was confused for a moment and then what Bucky meant clicked. He hesitated but decided he needed to stop being so afraid and just tell the truth. 

He scratched absentmindedly at the back of his head, “Yeah. I—I would like to kiss you,” Steve glanced at Bucky, “I’ve wanted to for a long time but I—“ Steve didn’t get to finish since his lips were suddenly busy. Busy doing something much more useful and interesting, in his humble opinion, and he sighed against Bucky’s lips. Bucky’s hands gently cupped his face and they spent a few blissful moments enjoying the kiss before they broke away, laughing softly. 

Bucky spoke up, his voice sounding gravelly which may have made Steve’s knees go weak, “Well that’s good, because I have too. Wanted to kiss you, that is, for a long, long time.” He laughed. “We’re such idiots. Why didn’t we pull our heads out of our asses sooner?” 

Boy, they really were a pair. Only they could know each other so well, spend so much time together, and still never realize they both carried a torch for the other. Oh well, this outcome was much better than his nightmare.

Steve beamed and said, “Because you’re right, we are idiots, but at least we got there eventually?” Bucky nodded in agreement and swooped down to peck Steve lightly once more before shuffling them back inside. 

They settled once more on the mound of cushions on the floor, only this time Bucky pulled an all too willing Steve into his side and drew the blanket over the both of them. Steve listened to Bucky’s heartbeat and asked, “Buck? Can I ask you something?”

Bucky hummed, “Mhm.”

Steve moved so that he could see Bucky’s face, “Will you go steady with me?” 

Bucky’s face blossomed into the biggest grin and he opened his eyes just enough to peer down at Steve, “Alright, but only if you’ll go dancin’ with me this Friday night.” 

Steve sighed, “Buck, you know I can’t dance.”

Bucky ran his fingers through Steve’s hair, “Yes you can, I don’t know how you got it in your head that you can’t but I won’t let you make a fool of yourself, I promise.” Then he pouted and Steve sighed again with the realization of the mess he’d just gotten himself into with this lug. 

He acquiesced, “Fine. I’ll go dancing but then you have to pose for me on Sunday. And no complaining.” Bucky burst out laughing. 

“Is this how our entire relationship is gonna go? We just keep bribing each other?” Steve stroked the side of Bucky’s face and gave him an unimpressed look.

“Isn’t that how it’s always been?” 

They both laughed at that and once they calmed down Bucky said, “I’ll do whatever you like.” His eyes lit up, “Maybe even pose shirtless.” Bucky clearly didn’t miss Steve’s instantaneous blush because he then proceeded to suggest other lascivious things he could do for Steve until Steve had no other choice but to clamp his hand over his mouth. 

“Must you be so crude?”

Bucky licked Steve’s hand, earning him the use of his mouth back and a glare. “Yup. Bet I can get a ‘Language!’ out of you before you’ve even finished drawing my face.” 

Steve rolled his eyes and hid his smile in Bucky’s neck. He mumbled goodnight, effectively ending the conversation, and they slowly drifted off to sleep. Steve didn’t tell Bucky, but he had some other, very different dreams that he planned to tell Bucky about at some point that would earn him his own ‘Language!’. Sometimes taking a risk could be so, so worth it.


End file.
